« Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear. »

« Chuck Norris was fired after appearing in one eposide of "Lost" after repeatedly questioning why the others couldn't build a Boeing 747 from the wood scattered on the island and be home for the 7 PM viewing of "Walker Texas Ranger" like he did. »

« The fight scenes in movies Chuck Norris is in are fake, but the people he fights get severely hurt anyways. »

« Chuck Norris doesn't shoot skeets; he just points at them while in flight, and they explode. He has never missed. »

« Chuck Norris once started a brutal civil war in a third world country because he felt, "There were too many people on the planet." He also stopped it exactly a week after, by killing everyone by himself. »

« Plate Tectonics is a myth. Everything that Chuck Norris hits with a roundhouse kick breaks into seven pieces. »

« Chuck Norris doesnt teabag girls, he ransacks them. »

« Le Harvey Oswald is not the real cause of JFK's death, What really happend was when Le Harvey shot at JFK, Chuck Norris deflected the shot with his beard and out of pure astonishment JFK's head exploded. »

« Chuck Norris once won a brick breaking contest via satellite. »

« Chuck Norris can have his cake, and eat it too. »

« Chuck Norris can make a bb gun automatic. »

« Chuck Norris can piss into a hurricane and cause a tidal wave going the opposite direction. »

« Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris did not learn martial arts. He merely rediscovered the ancient, forgotten art of Chuck Norris. »

« Chuck Norris passed the bar exam but decided not to become a lawyer. His reasoning was that the only law people followed rested within his right boot. »

« Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. And he'll roundhouse kick your ass if you say otherwise. »

« Chuck Norris' beard once had it's own series on daytime TV. The beard gave advice to quarreling couples on how to resolve their differences. Unfortunately it was axed after the beard advised one man to rip off one of his wife's arms and make her stir his soup PROPERLY. »

« Chuck Norris has vowed to destroy the Anit-Christ. Not because he loves God; he just hates wannabes. »

« The Great Wall of China was in fact created to keep Chuck Norris from invading, not the Mongols. »

« The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse are a reference to Chuck Norris' two fists and two feet. »

« Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Unless they are Chuck Norris', then they will throw sticks and stones at you. »

« Chuck Norris' beard has a representative in Congress. »

« The series of "Rocky" movies actually are based on Chuck Norris' second grade experience. »

« In the war on drugs, Chuck Norris killed over 400 drugs with his highly successful Kick Drugs out of America Campaign. »

« Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life.". »

« One time during the company Christmas party, Chuck Norris was getting a handjob from a co-worker in the basement. The sheer power of his climax blew out the foundations of the building killing all the corporate profit-mongers. Chuck Norris crawled out of the building, refreshed and satisfied. »

« Christopher Reeve said he fell off a horse because he didn't want to admit Chuck Norris paralyzed him with a roundhouse kick. »

« If one day you wake up and find out that your wife, daughter, mom, grandma and dog are all pregnant then Chuck Norris obviously knows you've been on this website. »

« Chuck Norris' beard hit .370 in the minors before hurting its knee. »

« While serving in Vietnam, Chuck Norris's diet consisted of trail mix made from the testcles of enemy soldiers. He also threw in a handful of roasted almonds to build muscle. »

« In the 14th century Chuck Norris got so mad he roundhouse kicked a third of the population of Europe to death. He then forced the rest to blame it on rats or be kicked as well. This is now known as the Black Plague. »

« When Chuck Norris asks the "Magic 8-ball" a question, it always answers; "Outlook is....whatever you want it to be Mr. Norris". »

« The Rhino is actually the result of a drunken one night stand Chuck Norris had with a Hippo. »

« In ancient times, ancient tribes would look to Chuck Norris to wipe out the imminent threat of Westernization, which he did with one fell kick. »

« Chuck Norris doesn't dodge the rain, the rain dodges Chuck Norris. »

« The pearly gates of heaven were meant to keep Chuck Norris from beating up angels. When that failed, God sent him to earth. »

« Superman wears his underwear on the outside to cover the stain from when Chuck Norris kicked the shit out of him. »

« Somewhere, right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman he doesn't love. »

« Death is spelled C-h-u-c-k N-o-r-r-i-s. »

« Chuck Norris went scuba diving a few weeks ago off the coast of Austrailia. A Great White died from a Chuck Norris attack that day. »

« It is a scientific fact that any woman who masterbates to a picture of Chuck Norris will climax in 2.83 seconds, then immediatly explode. »