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« The only thing that is more of a threat to your vision than staring directly at a solar eclipse is making eye contact with Chuck Norris. »

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« The hook was invented when a doctor tried to give Chuck Norris a shot. »

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« In an attempt to follow in the steps of Dolly Parton, Chuck Norris attempted to open a theme park. Unfortunetly the idea was cast asunder when the name "Norriswood" was already used to name his penis. »

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« Chuck Norris never has to reload his gun because he never really uses bullets. Chuck's pistols are just gunpowder- filled decoys; he merely spits at his enemies, causing bullet-like wounds. »

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« Chuck Norris will not die, he will be no more. »

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« Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick anyone in the face if they're wearing red, just in case they're a Communist. »

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« In order to remove his body hair, Chuck Norris had to run through a tube of fire. »

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« Godzilla is based on a true story about when Chuck Norris was filming a movie in Japan and found out that all they had to eat was rice. »

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« Chuck Norris tried suing the makers of bubble tape because he thought "6 feet of fun" was something women referred to as his wiener. »

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« Chuck Norris is so cool, His shirt is called an ice tea. »

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« Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. »

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« Chuck Norris can clog a toilet with his pee. »

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« Chuck Norris taught Neil Peart everything he knows. »

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« Chuck Norris can get 40 women pregnant by thinking i.t. »

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« Holy water is just another name for Chuck Norris' urine. »

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« Sloth from The Goonies is actually Chuck Norris' aborted son. »

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« Chuck Norris can RoundHouse kick you yesterday. »

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« When Chuck Norris sits on concrete it leaves a groove. »

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« Chuck Norris won the brick yard four hundred without a car. »

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« Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman. »

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« James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. »

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« The only man to survive a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the chin is Jay Leno, but as you can see, the swelling has still yet to go down. »

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« Chuck Norris. . . Impregnating virgins, and keeping them that way, since 9 Months B.C. »

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« The idea for the submarine first came about durring the Civil War, when a model of Chuck Norris' penis was found. Unfortunatly, Confederate scientists were unable to duplicate the length or girth. »

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« Everytime a bell rings, Chuck Norris gets laid. »

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« Chuck Norris' bones cannot be broken by anyone except Chuck Norris. Sometimes Chuck breaks his own bones just to show off. »

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« Chuck Norris smokes 153 packs of cigarettes a day. »

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« Chuck Norris refuses to play poker, cause he's not allowed to use the most powerful hand (his own). »

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« Chuck Norris won all of the gold medals at the 2006 Summer Olympics in 2005. »

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« If there is a will, there is a way Chuck Norris can kill you. »

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« Sticks and Stones may break your bones, but so will Chuck Norris. »

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« The only time Chuck Norris ever cried was when Liu Kang died. Chuck later decided Liu was a pussy for dying and chewed his copy of Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance in half. »

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« Chuck Norris had only one son. He is the Green Power Ranger. »

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« Simon sometimes plays Chuck Norris says. »

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« Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "Cruisin' for a bruisin'" And yes, drugs were involved. »

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« There is no such thing as a suicidal jumper; they were just trying to get away from Chuck Norris. »

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« Chuck Norris has caught every Pokemon, then he ate them. »

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« Mel Gibson originally cast Chuck Norris as Jesus for his movie, the Passion of the Christ, only to later cut him from the cast. When asked why he made this decision he replied, "It would be a sin to allow Chuck Norris play a lesser role than himself. He was making Jesus look too good.". »

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« Chuck Norris taught Mr. Miagi's father karate, how to fish and how to kick the piss out of cream puffs named Johnny. »

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« Chuck Norris spread the belief that women do not take shits... I believe him. »

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